Early this year, I said Goodbye to the "Lo-Fi Project": a year-long adventure in cell phone photography, playing around with different devices and moods.
My 'weapon of choice' in this regard has been, and still is, my trusty (and crusty) old Blackberry Bold. This vaguely paperweighty object, despite needing an extra wide "extended" battery (held to the back of the device with black gaff tape), and having been dropped, and other things -- kicked, flushed, fogged, moistened, over and undercharged) dozens of times -- remains my baby. Like the 35mm "moojy" it replaced, I rocked 'Triple B' until she bled from exhaustion:
Good pictures, great ones, a whole lotta crap ... Just like loving moments in a human relationship. Sure, me and Triple B struggled sometimes; but in the end, we knew and felt each other ... had each other's backs, and were always up for a little action ;) ;) ;) ;-) !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I've spent the past year or so flirting and dancing (deep-throating) with Google, trying to make my cream rise online ... and have more or less succeeded, with the helpof phoneography ...
I have long been interested in visuality. I appreciate architecture, composition ... perspective intrigues me ... I have studied photography, and been snapping and 'scrapbooking' photos for decades. At first, I was appalled at the integration of optic and communication technology: the first cell phone/camera combination repelled me, not only on a 'purist' (though decidedly amateur) photographer level, but on the obvious basis of privacy, also.
Ten years or so later, with privacy teetering on the brink of extinction ... Miley Cyrus now, somehow, exhibiting "artwork" ... and our collective threshold for shame and embarassment lowered, if not erased completely, by crass "reality" with no one caring ...
My biggest regret in life -- apart from wishing I'd spelled "recognize" correctly in the 8th grade spelling bee ... I'd have taken State!! To this day, I think about that brain fart moment when I dropped the g, and puttered out "r-e-c-o-n-i-z-e" ... and the judge then, pausing significantly, completely ignoring me, turning to my opponent and intoning, "Recognize?".
... My opponent remembering the goddamn g! Spelling "recognize" CORRECTLY, and setting off my lifelong descent into failure.
"Needless to say, you failed" ... my driving instructor also intoned to me, several years later, as I dinged a parked car while parallel parking. I didn't get my license that day, my first try, at sixteen, and my piss-poor, abyss-diving life drove downward ...
Brother Theodore on Letterman: all angsty pangsty, acting like he just burped up from hell. Dark chords were struck, a bond was born, his shtick of torment, mine as well ...
-- but where was I? Failure ... Regret!
The (second) biggest regret of my life is that I can't play an instrument. Bopping sub tactilely, digging "the" jazz, doesn't qualify me as a Soundcloud "creator". House all piano-less, tuneless fingers ... notes and tones just heard, unplayed. Oh, would I spoke the languages of nature (plants) and music! I can only see and hear ... Appreciate.
But not create.
And then, that one who got away. You know who you are (Claudia) ... You 'got' me, understsood my Drang, my Sturm, und stood beside me. You, who laughed at my suggestions, my sad efforts at suggestiveness ... You laughing, tousled hair and bird-like visage, made my losing less ...
Could we have played things differently? If I blew notes, instead of all that air when we togethered??
Would we each be part of One, still? How I wonder where you went!
But I digress ...
The parking meter's hungry. I can ill-afford another ticket ... Traipsing out to feed her and I trip upon my laces, sprung undone because the shoes are cheap, like a bed in a hostel instead of a suite.
It's raining, as I'm on the street ... Getting up 'cause a cop on his beat comes to greet me. Otherwise, I'd die here ("lie" or "lay"?) and just forget you. But I can't forget you, Claudia! Feel you playing still, my instrument ... You taught me all the things I could've kept, to keep in time, youmine ... but me, I tuned them out, and we ...
Our concert's over.
Now I try my best to solo, but I can't create the music!
No, the biggest regret of my life -- beyond the lack of talent and the 8th grade spelling contest -- is that blue, I note our lost motif and recoGnize it won't repeat ...
Your movements, actions are recorded .... Chased and captured, space and time ... Pasted, cut up, posted up on places, Facebook! Websites you don't know or use.
You move freely ... But you're seen. You are collected, grouped and categorized, followed and recognized by eyes unseen ... Obscene!
But I like to keep things light between us ... When I follow you with eyes unseen, I blur the lines. I don't name names, or "tag" or claim to be your "friend" ... but I watch too.
... not one of my own original Photos by Jglo ... but I found it online and linked to it, to illustrate a point I was trying to make. Actually, I was using it as a punch line -- to illustrate "accomplishment" after reciting a children's poem -- and this is where I was perhaps misguided.
Someone called me out on my attempted humor - which, in retrospect, relied on a visual version of the "retard" / "retarded" pejorative ... though when I posted the image, I wasn't thinking so far ahead. I was just thinking like I was ten, when most of us used to laugh and clap around "like retards", for comic effect.
Like Jerry Lewis ... or Don Knotts ... or Buddy Hackett ... or any number of rubber-faced, googly-limbed, weird-voiced childfolk, who built careers, if not legends, by "playing retarded".
All are, arguably, "offensive". In the same way that I offended a few people by posting a picture I found to be contextually appropriate ... I suppose I could have just written, "golf clap".
But my point is the hypersensitivity and hypocrisy which pervades American culture, and society at large. When I was 18, having just come to New York and attending college, there was a discussion in some class about immigration. From the second or third row of the classroom, I piped up humbly that newly arrived immigrants, in order to arrive (and stay) in the United States, should be required to learn and speak at least a fundamental English ... which, some 25 years later (and nearly 400 years after the pilgrims landed), is still the nation's first language.
This simple suggestion of common sense, which remains my opinion and is shared by many, did not go down well. A girl in the front row nearly snapped her neck whipping around to face me, and snarled, "A man named Adolf Hitler once believed the same thing!"
WTF??, I would have thought (if "WTF" had been around then). Really? That's Hitleresque? A suggestion that new arrivals to any country be required to have at least an awareness of that country's language??
As a result of the unexpected smackdown, I spent the next four or five years in classrooms not opening my mouth - and eventually, not graduating from college.
Now last week, a woman on a social network demanded to know what my kids eat for breakfast -- what I must feed them -- because I posted a picture of Super, Man!
My startled response was to request that my own post be deleted ... which it was, together with, more disturbingly, the entire thread (an innocuous, if maddeningly pretentious, thread about Poetry). No longer ten years old, I could see the woman's POV and understood how young Super, Man! might have upset, perhaps even "offended", her.