fΓΌr Elise Claudia
My biggest regret in life -- apart from wishing I'd spelled "recognize" correctly in the 8th grade spelling bee ... I'd have taken State!! To this day, I think about that brain fart moment when I dropped the g, and puttered out "r-e-c-o-n-i-z-e" ... and the judge then, pausing significantly, completely ignoring me, turning to my opponent and intoning, "Recognize?".
... My opponent remembering the goddamn g! Spelling "recognize" CORRECTLY, and setting off my lifelong descent into failure.
"Needless to say, you failed" ... my driving instructor also intoned to me, several years later, as I dinged a parked car while parallel parking. I didn't get my license that day, my first try, at sixteen, and my piss-poor, abyss-diving life drove downward ...
Brother Theodore on Letterman: all angsty pangsty, acting like he just burped up from hell. Dark chords were struck, a bond was born, his shtick of torment, mine as well ...
-- but where was I? Failure ... Regret!
The (second) biggest regret of my life is that I can't play an instrument. Bopping sub tactilely, digging "the" jazz, doesn't qualify me as a Soundcloud "creator". House all piano-less, tuneless fingers ... notes and tones just heard, unplayed. Oh, would I spoke the languages of nature (plants) and music! I can only see and hear ... Appreciate.
But not create.
And then, that one who got away. You know who you are (Claudia) ... You 'got' me, understsood my Drang, my Sturm, und stood beside me. You, who laughed at my suggestions, my sad efforts at suggestiveness ... You laughing, tousled hair and bird-like visage, made my losing less ...
Could we have played things differently? If I blew notes, instead of all that air when we togethered??
Would we each be part of One, still? How I wonder where you went!
But I digress ...
The parking meter's hungry. I can ill-afford another ticket ... Traipsing out to feed her and I trip upon my laces, sprung undone because the shoes are cheap, like a bed in a hostel instead of a suite.
It's raining, as I'm on the street ... Getting up 'cause a cop on his beat comes to greet me. Otherwise, I'd die here ("lie" or "lay"?) and just forget you. But I can't forget you, Claudia! Feel you playing still, my instrument ... You taught me all the things I could've kept, to keep in time, you mine ... but me, I tuned them out, and we ...
Our concert's over.
Now I try my best to solo, but I can't create the music!
No, the biggest regret of my life -- beyond the lack of talent and the 8th grade spelling contest -- is that blue, I note our lost motif and recoGnize it won't repeat ...
